october 19, 2009
back to new york, back to public transportation, back to the crazies. today on the train i started reading the book of the dude next to me over his shoulder (per usual) and discovered that it was a bomb building book (obvi). so now i know how to make a drano reefer bomb. and i know that if you want a big explosion, you gotta put it in water. and i know that if you are in jail, this means putting it in the toilet. fantastic!!!! so then i gave him a solid once over: no backpack, no loose fitting clothing that could easily conceal dynamite, and no suspicious looking friends lurking nearby. i must have freaked out the girl across from me because she started checking him out, too. then we both got off at the next stop. not sure if it was her stop, but it sure as hell was not mine.
july 26, 2009
i cannot WAIT to purell my hands once i get off this stank ass bus (which contains crusty white-dude-dreads, two-day-old chinese food, general sweatiness/lack of showering, etc.). dear goddddddd.
july 23, 2009
i just fought with a dude who refused to move his backpack from the only empty seat on the bus. i guess holding his backpack impeded his making shitty origami cranes.
then i watched a woman fight with a dude about stepping on her foot. except he wasn't at all. (???) perhaps she has phantom size 10 feet? that frequently get stepped on? i dunno.
and don't EVEN get me started on the woman on the bart train this morning, who passive-aggressively asked me, "since when did bart start letting people bring coffee on the train? hmmmmmmm????"
i totally give up on public transportation today.
july 22, 2009
july 13, 2009
on the way to the movies tonight, i plopped down in the only open seat and immediately noticed the distinct smell of comet. to be honest, i found it kind of pleasing as it was a hell of a lot nicer than some of the usual bus smells and it made me happy that my bus had recently gotten a scrub.
then, on the way back home, i found myself seated beside the same woman i sat next to on my inbound trip. she was quite lovely in her seafoam 50s dress and pearl barrettes. and then it happened--my nose tingled with the brisk scent of comet. it was totally the lady next to me! wearing ode de comet!! i hoped that we could become fast friends, but i was too shy to strike up a conversation with the line, "i like that you smell like a disinfectant cleanser with bleach." next time???
then, on the way back home, i found myself seated beside the same woman i sat next to on my inbound trip. she was quite lovely in her seafoam 50s dress and pearl barrettes. and then it happened--my nose tingled with the brisk scent of comet. it was totally the lady next to me! wearing ode de comet!! i hoped that we could become fast friends, but i was too shy to strike up a conversation with the line, "i like that you smell like a disinfectant cleanser with bleach." next time???
july 13, 2009
bus song courtesy of the girl who reeks of whisky sitting behind me:
"and even though i'm at the top
i keep on climbinggg
but when the drugs are done
i'll feel like dyingggg
(nonsensical muttering)
anybody else on the bus feel like that?"
(crickets)
nope.
june 27, 2009
world's most amazing/terrifying bus driver right now. she's lamenting the many, many buttons that she doesn't know how to use and keeps reminding us that she has absolutely no idea what she's doing. but she tells good jokes and uses a crusty tree branch to trick traffic lights, so it's a wash.
june 26, 2009
to the hipster sitting across from me: if i can see your control top, your skirt's too short.
to the 3 girls sitting beside me: it makes me a little--nay, extremely--uneasy that you are hopping off the bus to grab the T to jump some 14 year old girls at oakdale and 3rd because they beat up your cousin and made her head bleed. yikes.
to the old dude sitting behind me: your "humming" sounds like the guttural noise people make when they are dying and it is freaking me the H out. please stop.
this is the worst bus ride ever,
with love,
bruns
to the 3 girls sitting beside me: it makes me a little--nay, extremely--uneasy that you are hopping off the bus to grab the T to jump some 14 year old girls at oakdale and 3rd because they beat up your cousin and made her head bleed. yikes.
to the old dude sitting behind me: your "humming" sounds like the guttural noise people make when they are dying and it is freaking me the H out. please stop.
this is the worst bus ride ever,
with love,
bruns
june 25, 2009
it's a lot easier to read fellow bus passengers' texts on a blackberry than on an iphone. not that i do either; i'm just sayin'...
june 22, 2009
so this dude on the bus tonight had a big ass boombox cradled in a baby buggy. every time the bus hit a bump, the cd tray would pop out, he'd push it back in, and some funky beats would play for about 5 seconds whereupon he would give the whole bus a fake apology (because who's actually sorry about playing some funky beats? no one) and then turn it off.
the good times ended, however, when the muni cops came on board and caught the dude without a bus pass. the cop started to cite him, so he simply yelled "back door" and made his escape. good to know that "back door" always works.
the good times ended, however, when the muni cops came on board and caught the dude without a bus pass. the cop started to cite him, so he simply yelled "back door" and made his escape. good to know that "back door" always works.
june 11, 2009
bruns' txt to friend: cat fight on the bus!!!!
friend: actual cats or bitches?
bruns: i love that you had to ask. lady Bs. one stepped on the other's foot => bus warfare
friend: actual cats or bitches?
bruns: i love that you had to ask. lady Bs. one stepped on the other's foot => bus warfare
may 29, 2009
it took me 9 million years to get to work today because some SCHOOL decided to use the city buses as their transportation to the AQUARIUM during rush hour. first bus didn't stop because it was too full, second bus was jam-packed with stinky children. ugh.
may 22, 2009
so tonight at the page i bumped into this guy i knew grabbing a drink from the bar. i enthusiastically exlaim HEY! and his response is merely a weird glance as he walks off. i'm bummed for a second, but then i realize that we're not actually friends and i only recognize him from the 8:03 bus.
may 22, 2009
so i had a quintessential sf moment this morning. this mentally ill woman in a wheelchair gets on somewhere around civic center. she has this huge duffel bag, but i see a sign on her wheelchair that says something about sparing some change for her cat. i think, wha? about 5 minutes later, a little kitty head pokes out, and then another 5 minutes after that, she's got the whole crusty cat pack perched on her lap and shoulders. these two bros at the front of the bus thought it would be rad to laugh at her to her face. i'm pretty sure they were tourists.
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